Air travel can be very hannoying

I have been staying in Ho Chi Minh City with my friends Jason and Ha. They live in a very nice gated community designed and built for expats. It even has a pool.

Anyway, I got a lot of errands done in HCMC thanks to my pal Ha.

She found me a tailor to make up some of my signature shirts, found an optician to grind some new lenses for me to read with, found someone to repair and sew buttons on some of my tattered clothes, coached me on my pronunciation and bargained for things on my behalf. Ha loves having something to do, I don't think that a 'life of leisure' suits her very well. (On the other hand, I could use a life of leisure suits, but only if I had shoes to match.) She is also trying to play "matchmaker" for me, but that is another story for another time.

Jason is pretty self-reliant and is a man of few words. He is also at work all day. With me around she had someone to fuss over and chat endlessly with. She is also scary smart: Jason is a very lucky man.

It was time to move on, and I took a taxi to the airport for a flight up to Hanoi. The Saigon airport is normal, modern and efficient. Now if only Vietnamese passengers had a clue about the concept of air travel. "Really people, there is no need to push and shove, this is not the city bus!"

The Vietnam Airways plane was a new Boeing 777-200 piloted by a Russian pilot named Vladimir who has a big mustache. Lunch was your choice of pan-friend noodles with pork or an assortment of dim sum. I chose the dim sum. I have said this before but must say it again: Vietnam Airways is one of the best airlines in the world and I highly recommend that you choose them for your next flight to Danang or Hue.

Upon arrival, I grabbed my bag (13.5 kilos, just in case you are keeping track) and headed out to the taxi rank. The first metered taxi had no actual meter and once I realized this I threw a hissy fit. The driver was offering a flat rate of $10.00 into the city, but feeling that I was being scammed, I demanded to be let out. Into another taxi, this time with an actual meter.

I should have stayed put. The metered fare ended up costing a couple of dollars more than the flat rate would have been. Really: sometimes I can be such a schmuck.

My tiny, grimy, cheap-ass hotel room wasn't ready, which gave me plenty of time to be overcharged for a train ticket up to Lao Cai. I gladly overpaid as I was still smarting from being a schmuck.

Morning came early for me, mostly from jetlag, but also thanks to the People's Loudspeakers playing wake-up music and reading news and announcements. I do not speak a lot of Vietnamese, but am certain that the announcer mentioned something about "arresting all fat foreigners who wear loud shirts".